Ma and Pa's Lovin

When you chil'n get quiet enough I'll tell you how my Ma and Pa died. I ain't never tol you this one before so you better listen out real good.

See, way back then my Ma and Pa - that's your grandparents - were real fine. They were big folks. Why, jus for brekfas, between them they would eat the whole side of a pig. That was jus to start the day. So they pretty well impressed anybody who looked at 'em. So when Ma and Pa got feelin frisky that was quite somthin to see. Jus 'cos she was big didn't mean my Ma wasn't sexy. An my Pa, when he got the hots for Ma and they started on in a lovin each other you could hear thunder claps all the way to Mississippi. There was so much flesh flying 'bout what with my Ma's mighty bosoms, and Pa's belly, you couldn't see who was which. Jesus strike me down if it ain't true.

So one day they really bin holdin out for each other and they started lovin their way straight to the happy place where they didn't know one from the other, and the thunder started to roll. There was so much flesh a slippin and slidin the whole house was shakin, an us kids were thinkin it was all goin to fall over. But just then Pa started laffin and shoutin, and Ma she wos laffin and shoutin, and an almighty thunder shot out o' that bedroom an filled the place with smoke and noise. That sure is what happened.

Now this is the 'mazin bit. You see kids, when the smoke cleared and the noise was gone, all that was left of them was a few bits of arms and legs and other small pieces. They sure as hell had blown the rest away. Jesus strike me down if it ain't true.

Tony Crisp

Tony's in print Books in the UK or USA

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